Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
