I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
