Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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