My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
