I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
