pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
