ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
