Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i out mim tonsoeep
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
