you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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