The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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