How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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