My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
