i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
