Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
