Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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