You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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