Got a toothbrush?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
