If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
