he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
