so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
