i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
