Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
