If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
