k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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