How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
