i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
