i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
