Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
