Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize