Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
