worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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