I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
