then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
