What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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