He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
