we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Damn victory sex feels great
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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