New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
