We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
