Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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