every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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