We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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