i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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