we have officially lost it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
