im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
