I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
