just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will be naked everywhere
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
