I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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