Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize