their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
