and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
