I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
