I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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