Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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