it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
