This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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