My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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