Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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