I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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