its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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