Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
im on a boat
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