whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
