Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
