I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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