she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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