We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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