What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
