from now on my penis is your penis
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
