nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
