That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
