When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
