I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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