haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize