i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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