I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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