I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
