# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
