I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
