They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
