You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize