I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
