did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
