I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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