i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
