RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
