i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
