I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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