I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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