@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
