Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
