My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Your penis caused this!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
