can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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