im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
