I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
