I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
