Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
