Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
