You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
