that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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