I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize